Her Beloved Soul
by drippingwithsin
Summary: How do you let go of your one true love?


**AN:** This was originally a Devil Wear Prada Story but *shrugs* I think it fits this fandom better...Oh and this is a song fic so yeah

**Warning:** Death, Sadness, and Sex - Mainly SnowQueen (or whatever their ship name is) but has hints of SwanQueen laced in there.

**Time period: 10 years after Regina and Emma met**

* * *

The full moon's light shown through the curtain lace blanketing the small room with its pale glow and illuminating the one lone figure occupying it. On the cool hard wood floor, with her knees drawn tightly to a heaving chest Regina's shoulders shook as fat tears left their silvery trails down smooth tan cheeks. It had been one unbelievably long year since she had last seen her beloved but still the pain refused to budge.

Cuts sliced so deep across an anguished heart still wept for _her _and the tears of agony seemed never-ending. When would this cease? Will it ever? Truth be told she really did not want the pain to fade or the wounds to heal. _No_ she_ wanted_ to be reminded of her. She remembers when Queen Eva died, how the kingdom wept but not even a month afterward, everyone seemed to forget that she even existed.

She would not, could not, forget _her_ like that._ Emma _How she longed caress that silky pale skin, hear those good natured sarcastic humor, and to smell the sweet musky scent of leather and flowers that was so simply Emma Why did she have to leave? Why did that man have to get on the road after drinking so much? Questions, so many questions left unanswered.

_Merely the sound of your voice  
Made me believe that that you were her  
Just like the river disturbs  
My inner peace_

"Regina?" a voice cut through the darkness like a razor's edge causing Regina's head to snap up and just for a minute, one glorious minute she could swear it was _her._ Eyelids squinted as pupils tried to adjusted to the lighting she peered at the figure for a moment "Em.. She shook her head quickly and tightened the hold around her legs_ No No No_ it couldn't be her. Emma was gone. _Gone forever _she added swallowing against the tightness in her throat. "Regina" the voice softly called out again and the figure moved closer.

_Once I believed I could find  
Just a trace of her beloved soul  
Once I believed she was all  
Then she smothered my believes_

"Snow?" she manged to croak out,wincing at the rough way it sounded.

"Yes" The younger woman confirmed moving forward once again until she was standing directly in front of Regina. The older woman darted her eyes away looking everywhere in the room besides Snow. _Gods_ She could not talk to Snow now or ever for that matter. "Regina please look at me." Snow softly pleaded. When she was met with reluctance, Snow carefully reached down,cupping the trembling chin of the older woman in a warm hand and gently lifted her head. Patiently, she waited for those whiskey colored irises, her daughter fell in love with all those years ago, locked directly onto hers. "Talk to me." Regina heard the words but she could not for the life of her form a single word.

"Talk to me" Snow repeated running her thump back and forth over Regina's cheek. "Please"

_One cold winter's night  
I may follow her voice to the river  
Leave me now and forever  
Leave while you can_

"I...I" Regina tried but came up short. Her eyes scanned over the younger form. From the shape of the forehead to the pair of soft sea green eyes peering downward upon her face, all Regina could see was _her._ Pain slammed into an already broken heart. Mentally she cursed the Gods themselves for agitating fresh wounds and ripping open old ones. She turned her gaze elsewhere knowing that even a mere glimpse at the younger woman now would only cause more agony.

"Gina?"

At the sound of the long forgotten nick name brows scrunched up and a mouth twisted in anger "Don't call me that! only Em.."

Well manicured nails slightly dug into soft skin "Why do you do this to yourself!" Regina's eyes hardened and she jerked her head out of the younger woman's grasp.

"Leave!"

"I will not! Not until I can get through to you."

Regina jolted up, pushing the younger woman out of the way, she swiftly made her way to the window. Not wanting to look at at the other woman she crossed her arms and peered out into the night. Noticing that although the moon still shown in the distance she could just make out the dark edges of storm clouds approaching "I said leave."

Ignoring her, Snow raged onward "You think you're the only one who feels the pain!? You think you're the only one whose lost someone. I had my only child and the love of my life ripped away from me in one night. My family is gone!"she clamped a hand over her mouth sobbing uncontrollably.

Eye lids closed tightly in a vain attempt to block out the words but quickly reopened when hauntingly familiar faces flashed across her mind and suddenly she felt ashamed. In all her grief she had forgotten that Snow had lost much more then her. Charming, Snow's one true love had been in that car too but in her desperate need to hide Regina decided to try to throw the woman off.

"Henry?"

Across the room a pale face hardened "Oh don't you _dare_ bring his name into this like you fucking care."

Regina gritted her teeth and curled fingers into fists "And don't you dare presume that I don't care about my son."

Snow snorted "Did you know he tried to call you on his twenty first birthday but could not reach you"

"I...I

"He called me in tears Regina. He..He told me that he felt as though he did not just loose one mother that day he lost both."

Feeling the all too familiar salty sting at the corners of each eye, Regina swallowed hard pushing down the grief making enough room for pride to shine through. Violently she spun away from the window. "Why can't you just leave me alone!" Regina screamed, waving a hand sharply through the air causing a chair to fly across the room hitting the wall directly next to Snow. Splinters of wood and chunks of cushion rained down upon the White Queen, still she remained. She knew if she left now that all would be lost "Can't you see I just want to be left alone." she added in a low whisper.

Slowly, Snow approached the broken woman like one would do frightened animal.

_Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again  
Like the wind sweeps the earth  
Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend  
You've fallen deep_

Those haunted green orbs scanned over the brunette and a soft warm one hand reached out taking the one still crackling with magic . "Regina you have to move on. You can not keep living like this." Regina opened her mouth then closed it, swallowing the large lump forming deep within her throat. "I can't! Not without her."

Snow let out a ragged breath. "She would want you to move on."

_I was a liar in every debate  
I rule the forces that fueled your hate  
When the cold in my heart leaves, it comes to an end  
And quietly I'll go to sleep_

She knew what the younger woman said was true. She had to move on but how could she. Emma was her love, her heart, her everything she simply could not move on with out her.

_How could that first time recur  
When memories linger on and on  
What made me think you were her  
Helena is dead to all  
dead to all_

Regina closed her eyes as memories from the past flashed through her mind like a bitter sweet movie reel. The first time they met, their first date, the first time they made love, their wedding, and then that horrible day when Emma smiled kissed her lips goodbye for the last time.

* * *

_Standing in door way with her side leaned into the entry way Regina smiled_ _warmly at her wife_ _and kissed a cool cheek_ _"Goodbye my darling do try not to get into too much trouble_ _with your father_." _She teased giving her a mock glare.  
_

_ The younger woman snorted and rolled her eyes "No promises"  
_

_Placing a hand on a shapely hip "You two better."_

_"Ok ok" she threw her hand up in surrender "We will, now its late and I need to get going before Dad starts blowing up my phone." She quickly leaned forward giving Regina a lingering peck on the lips "I love you"  
_

_"I love you too" she whispered and watched as the blonde turned making her was to the old yellow bug waiting in the driveway._

* * *

___Two hours later Regina world was torn from her when a_ knock at the door sounded throughout the house awaking the brunette from one of her rare naps. Sleepily Regina made it to the door and cautiously opened it to reveal Ruby standing there in her uniform but that's not what heart to drop and bile to start the burn the back of her throat. It was the pure agony twisting those beautiful facial features.  


_Something was wrong she could feel it deep within her being "May I help you Ms. Lucas?" she asked in a shaky voice._

_"Re...Regina" The young deputy dropped her head and took a deep ragged breath. "I'm so sorry Regina." When the words reached her ears an overwhelming sense of dread washed over her. She stepped forward and grabbed the younger woman by the shoulders, shaking her roughly. "Tell me! Is it Emma? is she ok?"_

_"Tw..Two hours ago there was an accident a drunk driver came out of nowhere. Emma didn't see him...she and Charming didn't make it Regina."  
_

_The rest she could not make out for the ringing in her ears. Emma is dead, impossible she just seen her not more then...Two...two hours ago it was then she felt the tears fall as her brain added up the time._

_"No! no no no" she fell to her knees on the porch with the equally sobbing younger woman holding her._

* * *

Back then, she could not seem to wrap her mind around the fact Emma was gone and now a year later she still could not. Every day a presence was felt in the dark mayoral mansion. She felt her, she seen her, and every once in a while she could swear she heard her sweet voice.

_Nothing can bring her to life  
Don't pretend that I'll be loving you  
Once I believed she was gone  
I corrupted from within_

At that very thought she felt a pair of warm arms wrap around her in an tight embrace and for the second time that night she thought she had her Regina back. Regina nuzzled the other woman's neck. "Why did you leave me Emma." she whispered so low that Snow barley heard her. "Shh Regina its me Snow." Regina pushed her away a little and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Snow?"

"Yes Regina its me remember."

The older woman blinked rapidly nodding her head in acknowledgement. Regina racked a shaking hand through raven locks "God what is wrong with me!" she cried out imbedding sharp nails deep within the skin of her scape.

"Hey stop that." Gentle hands reached up and gripped hers.

"I..I just wish I could feel anything but pain."

Snow shifted her gaze away to gaze out of the window and sighed "I just want to feel anything else just once. I'm tired of the numbness. Some.." She let out a ragged breath and swallowed thickly " Sometimes I wish I could feel the pain once again. Anything but this. I feel as though I'm submerged in a tank full of ice water with no way out and I just keep clawing towards the surface but all I get is pushed down farther, into the cold, into the darkness."

Dull lifeless green orbs moved back to meet pleading brown ones and suddenly the two realized just how close they were. Breaths mingling with one another, one smelling of scotch the other wine tickling each others mouths. Slowly as if pulled by some sort of force their heads moved closer and closer to each other. Before the two could stop themselves full lips met pink thin ones in a sweet bitter kiss.

Rapidly the kiss deepened becoming rougher and more demanding. Tongue slid against tongue in a sensual last dance. Breathing became heavy, and lips moved away from each other to get some much needed air. Forehead pressed against forehead as Snow picked the older woman up and carefully placed her on the window seal.

Back tightly laid against the cool glass and long legs wrapped themselves around the younger woman's waist.

A hand ghosted its way from the brunette's face to the to the hem of her pajama pants. With one swift move it made its way inside cotton panties to hot wetness then with one quick move the younger woman slipped two fingers forcefully inside. Regina moaned as shots of pleasure coursed through her body chasing away the anguish and the sorrow causing her back to arch into a hunter's bow. Hearing the older woman's moan Snow began to slowly thrust in and out and after a few minutes the speed picked up into a rough pounding motion. Back painfully hitting the window Regina barley noticed as deep tingle announced the climax rising within. Eyes lids slipped tightly shut as memories flashed behind them of loosely curled blonde hair, roaming fingers, and a husky voice whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

Then finally the raging sea hit it's peak and crashed, wave upon wave of pleasure washed over her body. Cleansing it, reviving it "Emma!"

_Leave leave me for now and forever  
Leave what you can_

After her rapidly beating heart calmed and the pulsating between two trembling thighs ceased Regina felt guilt's poisonous tentacles begin to creep within her being prying away all the joy and love she just felt away. _Gods what had she done. _Tears trailed agonizingly slow paths down twisted features "Go!" Snow didn't say a word just wrapped her arms around the brunette and hung onto the shaking form while she broke down.

_Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again  
Like the wind sweeps the earth  
Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend  
You've fallen deep_

Arms wrapped around each other, the two woman huddled in the darkness, absorbing what warmth their bodies cast off. Yes, they knew it was wrong but neither one of them dared to acknowledge it because just for one night Regina had _her _back and just for one night Snow felt again. In the silence they could hear the muffled rumbling of thunder and cracking of dry lightning of the up coming storm signaling the change, the beginning, and more importantly the end.

_I was a liar in every debate  
I rule the forces that fueled your hate  
When the cold in my heart leaves, it comes to an end  
Quietly now go to sleep_

**END**

* * *

**AN:** Tell me what you think just don't be rude or anything I mean we're all adults here I hope...BTW:**I'll do any femslash paring there is. Give me one and I'll do it no matter how odd, gross, or taboo just PM me and let me know. **


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